


a fragile bag of bones

by irleggsy



Category: IT (2017)
Genre: F/M, Like, M/M, Sad Ending, Suicide, all the ships are super minor, also this is really bad, i wrote this when i was basically delirious, it's trash, sad :(, tw suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-25
Updated: 2017-10-25
Packaged: 2019-01-23 00:23:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12494228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/irleggsy/pseuds/irleggsy
Summary: He knows he’s the weakest link. The coward. The snob. The Jew. The faggot.The anomaly.





	a fragile bag of bones

**Author's Note:**

> anyways this is the byproduct of a breakdown and i don't know where to put it,, it's emo trash also kind of edgy and I wrote this in 40 minutes

He’s sick of it. The weariness that settles into your bones, vibrates your head from the interior until you can’t sleep. How can you rest when your bedroom is no longer your bedroom but a battleground? He doesn’t remember when it began. It’s not something that penetrates your skin-- it’s fluid, flows through you, utilizes you as a vehicle.

  
He used to try his best in school (in life). But he gave and he gave and he never received and he can’t quite put his finger on when it all changed but one day he realized that his best would never be enough and he stopped trying. It all went down the drain. His parents were disappointed. His teachers were disappointed. He stopped praying to God. How could he, after the Summer of All Things Bad? After Georgie, one of the rays of sunshine for all the losers, was dragged down that sewer one fateful day? After God let him fall in love with another man?

  
His friends are disappointed too, he knows. They hide it behind masks of pity and understanding but they don’t quite understand. He knows he’s the weakest link. The coward. The snob. The Jew. The faggot.

  
The anomaly.

  
From the background, he watches as the Losers naturally pair off. Mike and Ben, bonded over their respectively new memberships of the Losers club, have taken to each other like birds of a feather. It isn’t uncommon for them to skip out on a day of adventuring for an afternoon in the library studying history, more their speed. Richie and Eddie, already the closest pairing, grew clingier after the blood oath, as if they couldn’t handle being separated. They still continue to do so, cuddling up to one another during movie nights, bickering like an old married couple, but he sees the secretive smiles they share. He pays more attention than the others.

  
Bev returns, summer going into tenth grade. Her and Richie perform some convoluted handshake he’s amazed that they’ve remembered. She picks Eddie up bridal style and twirls him around despite his protests. Mike punches her in the arm, and vice versa. When Bev goes in for a hug with him, he rejects it, claiming he isn’t feeling well (which isn’t a false statement). He goes in for a handshake instead. She does the polite thing and ignores the circles under his eyes. When Ben pulls her close, he notices that he doesn’t hold her with that same desperation anymore. She notices too, and takes that as permission to let her heart chase who she had wanted with reckless abandon. Bill crashes into her, holding her up and twirling her around as they laugh in a joyful harmony. They embrace and share a passionate, yet tender kiss.

  
It makes him sick.

  
It’s eleventh grade now. The last day of school. There’s a tangible electricity in the air. Last period has just finished, and he leaves American History, ready to tell his friends the lie he has told them for the last 2 years whenever they invite him over. He’s aware they do it out of courtesy. He doesn’t enjoy his own company either.

  
As he exits the corridor, jogging down the steps of the school, he sees them. Bill is the only one looking. He makes eye contact with him. Bill smiles, waves at him.  
He smiles back, reluctantly waves, tired but genuine.

  
Bill motions for him to come over, and just as he is about to allow himself the only pleasure he’s had in two years, Bev turns to Bill, lovestruck, and motions for him to lean down. Bill looks at her, momentarily distracted.

  
By the time Bill looks back, he has left.

  
Stanley Uris is tired (fatigued, worn-out, weary, exhausted). One rainy spring afternoon, he leaves the dining room table, cleans his dishes, and goes to take a bath, 23 years prematurely.


End file.
